“I just want to be mindful, be in the moment.” As a practicing counselor, I’ve had clients say these exact words to me. I’ve read this very phrase in self-help books and Instagram wellness memes. I’ve even thought them myself on more than one occasion when I feel stress or anxiety bubbling up. As a therapist at Lotus Psychotherapy, in this blog I share tips on understanding and applying meditation and mindfulness.

What Does Being in the Moment Truly Mean?

But what does that even mean? What does “being in the moment” actually feel like? On one hand, it’s a fair wish. Time seems to speed by us faster and faster the older we get, so being present and truly appreciating each moment as it passes is something we’ve all yearned for. But on the other hand, it’s hard to fulfill a wish when we don’t have a clear picture of what mindfulness looks like.

We are Bombarded With Images of Mindfulness, but Have Little Understanding

I’m sure you’ve seen the internet and news buzz around the health benefits of mindfulness. You’ve seen the images of yogis sitting in meditation, legs crossed and content smiles on their peaceful faces. But that’s where the widespread definition of “mindfulness” stops for so many of us. It can feel as though, unless we’re barefoot in a serene setting with no kids yelling, phone buzzing or to-do list growing, mindfulness isn’t accessible to us. So what to do? The messages encouraging us to be mindful are everywhere on the news and in clinical research, but what is mindfulness and how can we incorporate it into our busy, daily lives?

The Concept of Mindfulness is Simple, but Difficult to Apply

Well, mindfulness is quite simple, but it’s not easy and may be even more difficult to explain. When I think about being mindful, I continually return to this definition:

mindfulness is being fully aware and awake in the ever-present now.

Mindfulness is learning how to expand our awareness beyond what we think our mental boundaries are, and how to shrink our focus down to hone in on the smallest details of any moment. It’s engaging in a deeper connection with your true self and the world around you. 

Mindfulness: Being in Full Connection with our Environment

Perhaps that might sound a little “woo-woo,” but practitioners and clinicians have been defining mindfulness in a similar manner for years. For example, Dr. Marsha Linehan, the creator of evidenced-based Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), described mindfulness as having many definitions. She defines mindfulness from two perspectives, psychological and spiritual. from the psychological perspective, Dr. Linehan describes mindfulness as a practice of training attention, and from the spiritual: mindfulness is the practice of becoming one, and being in full connection with our environment.

Dr. Linehan has talked often about how she adapted traditional contemplative practices, particularly the practice of Zen meditation into practical skills with the model of behavioral therapy. According to Dr. Linehan, the foundational skill of mindfulness is simply to observe. She described this skill as “the ability to notice and pay attention.” 

Commit to Noticing Rather Than Judging

In other words, Dr. Linehan’s approach to mindfulness is simply a commitment to noticing rather than judging. This is why, in their practices, many meditators are guided to follow their breath with their awareness. As we focus on the breath, we begin to notice details that had always been there, but we hadn’t perceived them because we weren’t paying close enough attention.

Small Details Gain Greater Importance

Small details, such as how the air feels cooler as we inhale and warmer on the way out or how our ribs expand and contract as our lungs rise and fall grow larger in our minds. These details can make something as simple and as normal as breathing feel like a brand-new experience. When we have an anchor for our awareness, like the breath, our meditation practice might highlight the brilliance of detail in the seemingly most mundane aspects of life.

These Details Fill our Awareness, Leaving no Room for Stress

The breath can at times fill one’s awareness so fully that there simply isn’t room for stress in that moment.  In fact, mountains of peer-reviewed research suggest that learning to focus our awareness in such a way helps to regulate the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. In other words, it helps calm you down and relax tensions in the body.

Apply This Level of Care and Understanding to our Own Thoughts

But what would happen if we applied the same level of noticing and attention to our own thoughts? Have you ever had so many thoughts race through your mind at once, that you can’t help but talk to yourself, smile at the memory of a joke, or start a to-do list to quiet the mental chatter? When we practice mindfulness meditation, we may begin to notice how loud (or quiet) the constant stream of thoughts drifting through the back of our minds has become. This non-judgmental noticing of thoughts becomes essential in the face of stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and depression. If you’re like many of us, you probably encounter some level of distress or anxiety on a regular basis.

So how does this noticing help?

Why is meditation so effective in reducing anxiety? Well, Anxiety, put as simply as possible, is suffering caused by worrisome thoughts about what might happen in the future. I’ll give an example: Recently I was asked to give a presentation in a therapy group. I found as my time to speak was approaching I was becoming increasingly nervous. So, instead of trying to push it from my mind, I tried to notice, in a non-judgmental manner, where this nervousness was coming from. I tried to investigate with genuine curiosity and before long I noticed that the feelings seemed to be connected to thoughts of me stumbling over my words as I spoke, or struggling with the PowerPoint presentations. I was afraid of looking incompetent in front of my colleagues, or foolish in front of the group.

By Noticing Thoughts Without Judgement our Anxious Thoughts Lose Power

So it was my thoughts about something that may or may not happen in the future that were affecting my emotions and my physiology at the moment. When I became curious about the thoughts themselves they seemed to shrink and lose power. I took a long breath in and let the air fall out of my lungs. Simply by noticing without judgment my nervous symptoms were reduced. It’s as if seeing my thoughts from a more objective perspective allowed me to see that they were just thoughts, they weren’t real. And even if I did stumble on my words it was unlikely that my colleagues would judge me as incompetent, or the group participants would think me foolish. The thoughts, and so the nervousness too, loosened their grip on me.

Meditation is Not Magic, But it Can Ease Suffering

Meditation is not magic. It likely will not stop you from experiencing anxiety or psychological suffering of any kind. And yet, in recognizing those experiences for what they are our suffering from them eases. But don’t my word for it. Give it try.

All you need to do is:

1) Set aside five to ten minutes a day
2) Find a comfortable, but alert position to sit in stillness
3) Allow your awareness to observe everything without judgment 

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